Separation is hard enough without trying to work out contact arrangements while emotions are running high. The good news is: you don’t have to figure it all out alone, and you don’t have to wait until things “get worse” before you get support.
In the UK, thousands of families go through this every year. For example, there were 102,678 divorces in England and Wales in 2023. And when parents can’t agree on arrangements, the family courts can become involved—28,909 new private law orders were applied for in July–September 2025 in England and Wales.
This guide walks you through what to do next, step by step, in a way that keeps your child’s wellbeing at the centre of every decision and keeps the process as calm and practical as possible.
Step 1: Get clear on what needs agreeing
When people say “child arrangements”, they usually mean:
- When your child spends time with each parent (days, times, frequency)
- Where handovers happen (and how to avoid conflict)
- What contact looks like right now (in-person, supported, supervised, or online)
- How you communicate about changes (holidays, illness, school events)
If you’re at the stage where contact feels tense, inconsistent, or has stopped altogether, it may help to look at structured options such as contact services so you can move forward with clearer boundaries and less conflict.
Step 2: Choose the right level of support
Not every family needs the same type of help. After separation, the best arrangement is the one that is safe, child-focused, and realistic.
Here are the most common options:
- Supervised contact: a trained professional is present throughout the session. This is often used where there are safeguarding concerns, high conflict, or a long break in contact. See Child Supervised Contact Services.
- Court ordered supervised contact: when a judge directs that contact must be supervised and requires the provider to follow directions carefully and (sometimes) report back. See Court Ordered Supervised Contact.
- Private supervision: where both parents (or solicitors) agree to supervision outside of a court order, often to rebuild trust and create stability. See Private Child Contact Supervision.
- Supervised visitation: similar in structure, often used as a practical, child-focused way to maintain time together where oversight is needed. See Supervised Visitation.
If you’re unsure what fits, start with your child’s needs and the current risks (not what feels “fair” at the moment). A good provider will talk this through with you before anything is agreed.
Step 3: Gather the information that matters (and ignore the rest)
You don’t need a perfect file. You do need the key facts that help professionals plan safely and reduce delays.
Useful things to have ready:
- Any court orders (even interim orders)
- Any CAFCASS recommendations or safeguarding letters
- Basic details: school days, routines, allergies, any additional needs
- Any known risks that affect contact planning (e.g., conflict at handover, substance concerns, allegations)
- Contact history: when contact stopped and why (briefly and factually)
If you’re making a formal approach, check the referrals process so you know what you’ll be asked for.
Step 4: Make an enquiry or referral early (even if you’re still deciding)
One mistake many parents make is waiting until contact has broken down completely. If you’re already seeing patterns—missed time, arguments at handover, anxiety in your child—reach out sooner.
With Child Arrangement Resolutions, you can start with a straightforward enquiry, explain your situation, and get clarity on what support might look like.
If you’re a parent or carer and want to talk things through before committing, their referrals page explains that a pre-referral discussion may be available (including a fixed-fee consultation).
Step 5: Agree a contact plan that your child can actually cope with
A good plan is specific. Vague plans (“alternate weekends, as agreed”) often collapse under stress.
A workable contact plan usually covers:
- Venue: community setting, neutral venue, or agreed location
- Length: how long sessions are (and what happens if someone is late)
- Frequency: weekly, fortnightly, step-up plan over time
- Who attends: whether other adults/relatives are permitted
- Rules: boundaries that reduce tension and keep the focus on the child
- Reporting: whether notes or a summary are needed for solicitors/court
If the court is involved, the process typically includes clear stages—referral, assessment, supervised sessions, and (when required) factual reporting.
Step 6: Understand costs and budget realistically
Child arrangement services are an investment in stability—but you still need transparent expectations.
For example, CAR’s terms and conditions set out minimum fees such as £65 per hour + VAT for supervised contact, £95 per hour + VAT for casework, plus travel time and mileage where applicable (e.g., 50p per mile).
If you’re instructing services through solicitors or under a court timetable, ask early about likely hours, reporting requirements, and travel/venue costs, so you can avoid surprises later.
Step 7: Prepare your child (without putting pressure on them)
Children don’t need the adult story. They need reassurance and predictability.
You can help by:
- Keeping explanations simple: “You’ll be seeing Dad/Mum with someone there to help.”
- Avoiding promises you can’t control (“It’ll be every week forever.”)
- Letting them take something familiar (toy, snack, comfort item)
- Not asking them to “report back” after contact
If your child is anxious, a structured approach like Child Supervised Contact Services For Parents can make sessions feel calmer because the boundaries are clear from the start.
Step 8: Know what safeguarding looks like in practice
Safeguarding isn’t just a word—it’s the framework that keeps your child emotionally and physically safe.
Look for services that are clear about professional checks, neutrality, and what happens if concerns arise. CAR states its staff are DBS checked and insured, and they operate with safeguarding procedures. You can also review their published safeguarding policy.
FAQs
Do I need a court order to use child arrangement services?
No. Many parents choose support voluntarily to reduce conflict and rebuild consistency. That said, if you have a court order, you’ll want a provider experienced in following directions and providing clear, factual updates where required—see Court Ordered Supervised Contact.
What’s the difference between supervised and supported contact?
Supervised contact means a professional is present and observing throughout. Supported contact is typically less intensive—someone is available to help manage the session and safety plan, but may not be directly observing every interaction. Providers may offer step-down options depending on progress and risk
Will the service write reports for court?
Some services can provide factual notes or reports where requested by the court or professionals. CAR describes providing notes or reports when required as part of court-involved work.
Where do sessions take place?
They can take place in community venues (and sometimes other agreed settings), depending on risk, your child’s needs, and what is practical. CAR describes using community-based options as part of its approach.
What if I’m unhappy with the service?
You should be able to raise concerns through a clear process. CAR publishes a complaints policy explaining how issues can be raised and reviewed.
Ready to take the next step?
If you want a clear plan, calmer handovers, and child-focused support after separation, start by exploring CAR’s Child Supervised Contact Services or the wider contact services options.
When you’re ready, get in touch to discuss your situation and what a safe, workable arrangement could look like for your child.